Christmas, meltdowns and my first time on a film set!

So, 2012 just ended and I was planning on writing this post during the Christmas holidays but oh well. I don’t think I’ve ever been as busy as I am these days. Really, I am running around to different appointments, going to school, doing (lots of) homework (and that’s saying something ‘cause I’ve never really cared about doing homework before I started at The Film Actor’s Academy), dancing in the local fitness and so on.

It’s nice to be busy, even though it’s something I have to get used to. I hadn’t missed one single day of school when we reached the last day before Christmas (which was pretty satisfying since my goal has been to attend every single minute of every single class), but the holidays were very much needed, and I don’t think I could have handled just one more day.

I had a really nice Christmas, just me, my mom, grandma and little sis. I got the Oscar nominated film ‘A Royal Affair’ (Original Danish title: En Kongelig Affære) and after watching it twice in the cinema and now once on our tiny TV, it’s still good and if you haven’t seen it you totally should. (It’s on play.com, they have free delivery!).

I know a lot of people are praising Mikkel Boe Følsgaard for his portrayal of King Christian VII, and I totally think he deserves that, but the first time I watched the film, I actually paid more attention to Alicia Vikander (who plays Queen Caroline Mathilde), I think she was amazing, really impressive and touching.

I also got three acting related books, I’ll put some pics up for those of you who are interested. They seem really helpful and relevant:

My Christmas holidays went by nice and slowly. I had decided not to make any plans (except a surprise-christmas-present-trip for my mom – I took her to see the Beatles theater concert Hey Jude :) Jimmy Jørgensen rocked my socks off!), so that left me plenty of time to relax, chill, do nothing, think… A little too much time actually and a little too much thinking… Which resulted in a major meltdown the night before New Years Eve, where I (whilst crying uncontrollably) told my dad on the phone that I’m useless, and so what if I’m an educated film actress when I finish at the Film Actor’s Academy this summer, that doesn’t mean I’m gonna book any jobs, and that doesn’t even matter cause my old childhood dream about doing musicals has started to stir inside of me again, and I have this incredible passion for singing and dancing on stage, but I’m nowhere near  a strong enough singer and definitely not a good enough dancer… I can’t read sheet music, I don’t play any instrument.   

That made me even more depressed, ‘cause it reminded me of how I tried to learn to play the guitar a couple of years ago and ended up forgetting about it (or giving up?), and how I quit playing the piano in 3rd grade and even how I studied Japanese when I was 15 but gave up after learning 1½ of their alphabets.

The realization hit me hard, as I sucked in my breath and told my dad: ‘I’m a quitter. Oh my God, I’m a quitter.’ I never saw myself as that, so it felt really rough. Luckily it only took a few minutes of my dad ensuring me that that wasn’t the case and that spending the past 4 years going determinedly after my dream of pursuing an acting career is not what you would call quitting, before he got me convinced that maybe, just maybe I wasn’t that much of a quitter after all.

But still, all of a sudden I just felt really behind. I started comparing myself to everyone else, which is the number 1 thing you shouldn’t do, because we’re all such different individuals with different paths and different ways of reaching our goals.

Now why am I sharing my pathetic breakdown? Because I know I’m not the only one who gets these feelings and thoughts once in a while. Everybody gets them, maybe particularly more so people in showbiz, and artists in general, because the future is so unsure. I haven’t gone to high school like all of my friends, I’m not going to the university. And when I made that decision, it was something I was happy about because school made me miserable, and now I got to follow my dream instead of being something taken out of a Pink Floyd video (more specifically that scene from The Wall where all the students walk into that massive meat grinder while they’re singing We Don’t Need No Education), ‘cause that’s how school made me feel.

And I’m still happy about it, sometimes it’s just difficult because of the society we live in. It’s not something the society approves of. Especially not where I live, in a small posh town where everyone is expected to become doctors and lawyers and what not.

Anyway, I’m not entirely sure how to wrap this up, but I guess my point is that meltdowns like this are OK once in a while because they remind us that there’s something we’re passionate about, something we want to achieve. And there’s really only one way to get on from there – and that is by moving forward and keep going.

If I want to be a better singer and a better dancer I’ll have to do something about it. Now, I already dance in the fitness centre, but that’s really more exercising than dance lessons, and I think I’ll have to wait with actual dance lessons until after I graduate The Film Actor’s Academy. I did however start taking singing lessons, my amazing Dad got me 10 hours at www.vocalhouse.dk for Christmas (he spoils me a little, I know). I had the first lesson in the beginning of January and I’m really excited about the next 9!

I just need to get my voice back before, ‘cause remember how I mentioned how happy I was because I hadn’t missed a single day of school before Christmas? That’s not exactly the case anymore, I have been home plastered to my bed or the couch for the past two weeks with almost any and every symptom, from massive sore throat and headache to queasiness and fever. It kind of feels like I’ve collected every illness I’ve come across the past year and saved them all for now. I was really bummed about missing out on school at first, but I’ve come to accept that it’s fine and there’s nothing to do about it. I did go to school last Wednesday though, ‘cause we were shooting a scene on location (with a gun in a car in a parking lot!), and I just couldn’t miss that. My group (me and Christina) were the first, and I actually felt fine the whole time we were in front of the camera. The second we finished and I got out of the car I felt like crap again though, and I had to go home early.

I’ll return with another post about the filmshoot after I’ve seen the videos. :)

Luckily being home for two weeks with nothing to do gave me plenty of time to watch… Wait for it… A VERY POTTER MUSICAL! I came across it on Youtube a little while back and now I finally got to watch it. It’s hilarious. It’s a fan-made play by musical theatre company StarKid. Seriously, if you’re a dorky HP fan girl like me it’s a must ;) 

 

And of course it doesn't hurt that it's Darren Criss (Blaine on Glee) who plays Harry Potter... ;)

(New Year's Eve)

Bye!